College Essay Scoring Guide

Jay De Feo 1958, one of my favorite painters, standing in front of her painting The Rose--a really amazing piece that you have to stand in front of to appreciate the intensity of it.

50 points--Grammar, mechanics, typos, spelling, & usage. Remember, this is your only impression to show yourself through language. No matter the content of your essay, careless mistakes make you seem--well, careless. And you do not want the college admissions team to think you are apathetic. I expect you to make sure the essay is flawless. I would be happy to suggest how to phrase things grammatically better, but I should not be spending my time fixing your careless typos and spelling errors (and I won't).

• 50 points--Writer demonstrates control of sentence structure, grammar and usage.
• 40 points--Errors do not interfere with communication. There are few errors relative to length.
• 30 points--Errors interfere with communication.

50 points--Insight and creativity, readability, and is your essay compelling? A note to remember your audience here and the purpose of your essay: All writers do this on some level--we consistently look at audience and purpose when we analyze writing. If you are using this to apply to college, keep in mind that the admissions officers are looking for intelligent and motivated students who will be successful at their school. Your essay should:

• Be personal (instead of general)
• Be concrete (instead of abstract--can you make your reader "see" your world?)
• Include anecdote (instead of summary--this is not a resume)
• Include a hook or lead
• Have sophisticated and / or subtle organization
• Show a sophisticated or subtle mastery of language
• AND AVOID CLICHE!

PLEASE PRINT THIS PAGE OUT AND ATTACH TO THE BACK OF YOUR ESSAY SO I CAN WRITE COMMENTS. WHEN YOU PRINT, MAKE SURE YOU ONLY PRINT THIS PAGE.

College Essay Prompts

photo of Borges

The prompts provided are often a starting point—it’s not really about which prompt you choose to answer, but HOW you use the topic to write an essay. Remember the Borges, “people tend to prefer the personal to the general, the concrete to the abstract”(Blindness). You will notice that the questions are vague, repetitive, and general. You could almost adapt any good essay to fit a prompt.

Anyway, here are the common application prompts*

• Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
• Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
• Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
• Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and describe that influence.
• A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
• A prompt of your choice is another option. (See below)

I also have a handout from Ms. C that lists a number of essay prompts (from way back in the day)… I’m going to break into my I’m older than you persona now: “when I applied to college I actually had to write a separate essay for each school because each school had a question—oh, and life was (of course) harder back then—we suffered like you kids nowadays have no idea of….”(Kidding of course).

I would be happy to photocopy these for you. They might stir the creative juices in a way that the above prompts do not.

WE ARE IN THE COMPUTER LAB ON TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY. PLEASE HAVE A ROUGH DRAFT THAT I CAN WORK WITH YOU ON. FINAL DRAFT IN DUE THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 1ST.

* https://www.commonapp.org/CommonApp/default.aspx

Independent Reading Assignments (1st Person Narrative)

Andy Warhol's Elvis. This assignment is for all classes and due October 29th in class. Remember that the quarter ends on November 2nd. You will need to have Camus' Stranger read by then.

40 points (Homework, notebook, blog grade)

Design a cover. You will be graded on the following items:

A: 10 points: Your cover should show creativity, depth in thought, and visually represent important events, themes, or symbols throughout the book. The cover should look professionally and carefully constructed. You may draw or use the computer, but be careful not to commit the visual equivalence of plagiarism.

If you use someone else’s images, change or collage them until they are your own.
Make sure you have a front and back cover as well as a spine.
Spelling the author’s name wrong would be about the worst thing you could do!

B: 10 points: You should provide a 100 word description of the book on the back cover. WARNING: DO NOT PLAGIARIZE THIS!—you will risk a zero for an easy part of the requirements. Remember: the point of a 100 word description on the back of a book is to convince someone in a store to buy the book. Remember this when you write the blurb. Why should someone buy this?

C: 20 points: Write a two page paper (400-500 words) explaining the choices you made when designing the cover. Pretend you work for me[1] and are trying to convince me to go with your cover over someone else’s. You will need to provide evidence from the book to effectively do this.
Make sure you include page numbers and cite properly.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞


40 points (Homework, notebook, blog grade)

Write a “filler chapter”. In other words, write what happens in between two chapters (or pages—or rewrite a section or imitate the author’s style). You will be graded on the following items:

A: 10 points: Completes the page length requirements: 2-3 typed, double-spaced pages, Times New Roman, 12 point font.

B: 10 points: The details and facts in your story are factually and contextually accurate in relation to the existing story. This includes the setting and historical time frame!

C: 20 points: You successfully capture the tone and style of your author.[2]

If you have another creative idea, propose it to me with criteria on which you would like to be graded. I must approve this first.

[1] I do not provide health insurance. Welcome to the world of contracted labor, boys and girls.
[2] (which includes, but is not limited to: how author presents dialogue, appropriate word choice, symbols, etc.)

Class Generated Thesis Statements

Here's what your classmates came up with when developing thesis statements for William Carlos Williams' poem "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus":

I have broken up all the suggestions into two categories--you can use this list to build your own thesis, or come up with one that is not listed.

In the poem "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus", William Carlos Williams suggests that

a. people are selfish and unaware of their surroundings

b. people conform to society

c. people will not learn from the death of Icarus

d. nature will ultimately punish human actions

e. Icarus is not as important as the farmer to understanding the moral of Ovid's myth

f. humans often do not see tragic flaws

The following list should explain HOW Williams creates the above meaning

• by personifying images in the poem.


• by personifying nature.


• by personifying the sea.


• through his use of enjambment and short, unpunctuated lines.

Your introduction should include a thesis as well as a brief elaboration of your thesis. You should also reference Ovid and Brueghel in your introduction.

Red Shift Model Paper Example 4

Though this is a model paper--I'll add some of my comments in red to let you know what could've been added to this essay...

Kenny D. 1

In the poem "Red Shift", the poet Ted Berrigan suggest the human element is going to waste due to eternal conformity; Pretty solid thesis--but the intro and thesis could be expanded here with specifics--remember: explication is a very close reading of HOW a poem works to achieve and create meaning. Some more writing here is necessary to establish this.

The poem begins "here I am" with a pronoun, I. Already he begins the poem leaving the reader to wonder who he is. I believe that Berrigan is trying to start the poem off to a human that wants to know, that will look for an answer rather then accepting the pronoun. I is one letter, with various questions. Who is he? Where is he? A quick reader like the majority might skip the importance who exactly is trying to be portray? Wonderful thing to point out--phrase as sentences (for analysis) rather than questions.

Right away he mentions fierce arabesques. (Be specific and show by integrating evidence) Arabesque has several definitions; an arabesques painting is a geometric painting with many shapes and a complex design. When people look at a painting, they see the big picture. Never do they see the complex meaning within the painting, what the painter is trying to show and give out. A poem can hold many meanings that people will simply just burn and put to waste. Berrigan uses the word air various times during "Red Shift". Air is something we need, something many people think lowly of. Without air, life is not possible. Air is something all humans regardless or race, sex, or age, need. Air is something many take for granted. We have so much of it that we barely notice its effects and its wonders of life. Like air, life isn’t possible without humans. People are the definition of life and without them life cannot exist. Many people are too conformed to notice the accomplishments of the human element. Berrigan is trying to radiate these thoughts to our minds as he states "I drink…and smoke to have character and lean in". people in this world are now to busy worrying about blending in, rather then to express their human element and spread their ideas. Humans I believe are racing life, using it as an excuse to try and accomplish as many things while they breathe until they notice that it has gone to waste with the final curse of death. That no one around them will notice what they have done to change life. There are some cool ideas in this paragraph, but the language is really getting in the way of ideas here--more focus on writing about HOW the poem expresses these ideas would clarify these issues--any suggestions?

Berrigan considerably uses pronouns through out the poem. He never mentions his name. A pronoun is a word that takes place of a normal noun or name. Berrigan is perhaps showing the view, and status of the human element of our times. (Great analysis here) Showing the reader that pronouns are what people are beginning to conform to rather then notice the uniqueness of each body. Perhaps one day people will be called it and I. no one around cares for such personality. Towards the end of the poem, Berrigan begins to blame mankind for all of this. Ending the poem with the following, "the world’s furious song flows through my costume". The world’s furious song is the people adapted to their conformity. Through my costume is what people see him as, nothing. They only see the costume covering the emotions, and the life inside. Also blaming the public that he didn’t ask to be a pronoun, "You did". The people have just walk past him like he is just there. No one caring or giving attention to the creative element of life. Finally at the end of poem Berrigan states "I slip softly into the air". I think he wants to let the reader know that himself is falling into the invisible life needed air. That although people wont notice its gone or even there, they will still forever need it and cherish it if it is life they seek. Humans are only thinking about their lives and what they need rather then to help there fellow populace. That once we do start caring and appreciating this, that life will finally reach its meaning.

Feel free to post any constructive comments here, or questions, or observations. Trenchant insights are always welcome but please (always) avoid pithy observations.